computer lady head sm

Dear iMac, HP TouchSmart, MacBook Pro, HPEnvy,* HP Pavilion, my original Mac from 1984, iPads 2, 4 and 5; iPhones 4 and 5; Acer and HP monitors, all PCs in my various offices over the years; and countless routers,

RE: Our working relationship

My friends, and I do hope we’re friends actually, it’s time we all had a talk.

Why? Because if I have my way, we’re going to continue to spend a great deal of time together for the next many years—and we HAVE to get along. You see, I have a full-time business in my home that I plan to continue until at least 2025 and, among other jobs, I am the CEO, the CFO and the IT Director.

If I were to tell you the total truth at the moment, things are not going well to say the least. Frankly, there have always been some big problems.

Oh, I’m not saying I could ever do without you. That’s not even on the table here because I can’t. What I am saying, however, is that you don’t seem to understand your role, or the fact that you and I are not equals.

Let me explain. You see I own you. I bought you to make my life easier and more efficient not to frustrate the socks off me. So for starters do not ever send me another message telling me I can’t do something and to check with my System Administrator. Ever. I AM the System Administrator. In the future, work this out yourself, between you, among you…just do it. Don’t ask me for another friggin’ password.

Now, there are a few other things that we need to get straight between us. I don’t care, Mac and PC, whether you like each other or whether you choose to be compatible. GET OVER IT! Either you will be compatible, or you will be replaced.

You know, Mac, I was among the first in line when you came out in that funny little box in the 1980’s—and, in case you’ve forgotten, we had a great love affair. You seemed to speak to my soul. However, I did replace you 10 years later when you wouldn’t cooperate with my office computer system. I abandoned you and switched to PC. However, I apologize and FYI…I never fully let you go. In fact, I kept that iBook to play with if you remember.

Now I’m back. My 27’ iMac is my main computer, the impetus for which was that HP Pavilion you crashed and burned, again! Then I bought another PC, this one with Windows 8. I love anything innovative except when it doesn’t work. I can’t even begin to say how frustrating that system was. No, thank you! So PC as you can see, I also abandoned you as my primary computer but I am open to negotiation.

The fact is that I like it back in your arms, Mac. That is not to say, however that it is not without its frustrations either. For example, Office for Mac is…well, less than wonderful.

Although in all fairness to Mac I‘ve heard that Microsoft is responsible for this, intentionally under-delivering to get us to switch back to PC. Microsoft, this is not going to work. Slowly, I’m relearning how to get along with Mac’s Pages, Keypoint, etc. While they are all missing something, Pages and Keypoint also have several advantages over Word and PowerPoint.

So here’s a classic issue unrelated to brands. I live in a very long house. I have great WiFi coverage from Verizon, but even Verizon can’t reach over 100 feet upstairs and downstairs. To compensate, I bought an excellent router. What’s the problem? I can’t recall the password, even though I try to use the same one every time—which, of course, will land me in debtor’s prison if (or when) I get hacked.

But there’s more. Why in the world can’t I connect my iMac with my new Macbook Pro? Because I can’t remember the password. Come on, guys! Remember who bought you? You are getting dangerously close to being shut down and replaced.

So I ask you, technology, who can make sense of this nonsense?

I suppose I owe you an apology if you were hoping for a more positive and supportive letter. Sorry. But you need to take a hard look at what you are doing, how you are doing it—and especially, who your audience is. If you want me to stay a member of your audience, get it together!

Thank you for listening.



(*Whoever thought of that name?)